I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
