he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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