It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
