I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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