I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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