Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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