Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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