I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
