i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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