Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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