I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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