I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
