when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
