Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
