I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
