I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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