i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
