so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sext me about skeletons
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
