then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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