sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
