She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
