This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
