Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just invented taco cereal.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
