I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
