So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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