if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
