I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
