I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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