my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
