Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
