Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
