I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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