Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
