I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
