They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
