Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
did i just pee glitter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
