Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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