There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
