it was like his penis was on wheels.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
