i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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