We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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