He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
