my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
