she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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