did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
love makes seman taste better
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
