dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
