did you get engaged???
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
