remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
