This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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