and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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