Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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